Lost Seasons

Technology consumes us

Through summer, fall,

Winter, and spring,

Until we hand down

Our way of being a human being

To our off spring in the midst

Of summers heat,

We set our future seeds to fall

By winter while they’re eyes

Are glued to cellular screens,

When’s the last time we’ve seen

Lemonade stands or houses

In trees in the summer breeze,

Our future is falling through winter

And spring,

Summer will never be the same again

Because we’ve lost the human

Connection that built the bells

For our freedom to ring

– Nick F. Hawkins

Tunnel Vision

Exercising supreme focus

Within the moments

Will sweat out all of the

Problems and troubles

Of the day,

Living along the River banks

Of dreams to maintain

The mental flames that

Burns my internal chaos into

Submission amidst the

Ashes of the neurological

Land scape,

Supreme focus is the

Tunnel vision that

Keeps me sane,

This tunnel is the

Path that my soul

Craves to take

– Nick F. Hawkins

Mosaic Memories

Mosaic memories make

Nostalgic portraits of my soul,

Waves of sentimental sorcery sets

Sails as my senses float amongst the

Anchors of my lost love boat,

I remember the prizes

Given by the journey,

I can recall the pain that

Seeped through my ventricles

And veins at times when my heart

Broke in the midst of the purple rain,

The memories of the love and pain

Left a stain of tyranny where

Nuance was removed from the light

That shined upon my shade

Amongst my nostalgic portrait,

And mosaic days

– Nick F. Hawkins

The Cloth That Made Me

I reap benefits from

Being cut from the fabric

Of a different cloth as I sore,

I rather take my time and breath

Slow than reaping what I sow,

Clothes don’t make the man

The man makes the clothes

Yet I wear my heart on my

Sleeve so it all shows,

My frequency grows

While I remove the mask

Of my ego,

The cloth of my consciousness

Is the warm scarf that protects

Me from the world that is oh

So cold

– Nick F. Hawkins

Mind Over Matter (Short Story)

They found out…

A small piece of me knew from the start that something like that is about to happen- but I tried so hard to focus on the other benefits of my new condition.

Time is something I don’t have now, so I will try to explain everything as fast as possible.

Maybe it sounds impossible- but I became different than other human beings.

It all started with a failure- yes, ironically saying, that’s usually not a really good motivation. Usually, but not every time.

I was just a teacher. No, of course that I wasn’t satisfied with my position. Even though I was putting as much effort as I could- that wasn’t enough to wake up the desire in children’s heart- a desire to learn.

Of course, in a time when we live, technology has a big part of everything and since an artist and teacher- no one was focusing on me. I was able to see their phones under the desk while I was showing them the magic of the art. They simply didn’t care and the depression in which I was falling was deeper and deeper as the days were passing.

Tell me, what are you supposed to do when your students don’t like you, you live alone and spend time painting and going to galleries- again, alone?

Yes, you are supposed to change something. Usually, people in that situation find a new hobby, new friends, go on a trip. Usually- but not always.

I did something drastic. It’s not like you sell a soul to a devil or kill someone or commit a crime. No, the thing which I did wasn’t harming anyone- anyone but me.

One surgery was enough and the use of my brain increased the way you’re not able to even imagine. I was able to see, hear, feel anything I wanted. The power was in my hands, because my brain was capable of anything. I was happy and my surgeon didn’t ask for money. The only condition he asked for doing a surgery was that when I finish everything I wanted- I’d come to him and help him in a few situations he needs help with. Easy- I said ‘yes’ without even thinking about that. All I wanted was power- and he was ready to give that to me. The surgery was pretty quick and only a small scar has left- even unnoticeable- only he and I knew that secret- but I had no idea how powerful that short man was, but I’ll get to that part of the story.

First, I realized that I can do more than ever- my paintings became more than amazing- finished in a record time, with the details which people thought were impossible to be made. Success came fast and I was happy. Traveling became my daily routine- because the money was in my pockets constantly. Luxurious gifts, the best restaurants, all inclusive hotels- everything was mine- and all of that after just a few days after the surgery. No, even to me that didn’t seem real- but a smile was on my face and I was happy. New friends came with a fame and my paintings got a world success. That was my biggest job- but because of my abilities, I worked more and more than more. No sleep was needed- so while on days I was traveling and presenting my paintings- on nights, I was creating the new ones and even became a programmer, best selling freelancer- everything. Impossible? Unreal? Yes, all of that and even more- but true. Women were around me all the time, and all of the critics became positive-from the broke teacher, I became a millionaire. News, interviews, cover pages- there wasn’t a person who became successful faster than me and I was proudly carrying that ‘title’.

But… There is always ‘but’. I wasn’t the only person who was following my career. After a few months from my success, when I completely forgot about my promise- it didn’t forget about me.

One phone call from a surgeon started everything. I came to see him- of course I did, my whole career was increasing because of him- but he was more than conscious of that fact. He put three pictures in front of me. While my confused eyes were trying to understand what was happening- he said just one word, which is haunting me even today.


I can’t; I don’t know how; I’m not able to…


He didn’t care. From the way his eyes were looking at me, I understood that this was just a beginning. A list of surgeon’s enemies was long and I was supposed to become his hitman.

I don’t want to.

He smiled and even though my heart was beating fast, when the tips of his lips became curved- I felt fear. My surgeon had a secret.

“What are you not telling me?”

I asked, while the drops of sweat were rolling down my face.

“You’ll die if I don’t change the implant every month. There is no way back. If you remove it, you’ll die- the implant needs to be replaced if you want to live and have your career and money and all the rest you said that you have when you gave an interview for Vogue.”

He was enjoying this and I realized that this decision will not give me just a bad memory if I gave a wrong one. I won’t be alive if I tell this man something he doesn’t want to hear.

But again… I have something he doesn’t have.

“That’s amazing- but have you realized there isn’t a smarter person than me in the world? I’ll find out everything about your weird process…”

I said and saw that he pressed a button.

“Maybe I’ll just kill you.”

He said, nervously.

And since that day- they were following me. Wherever I go, they are behind me- but as long as I’m in the front- this game will never be over…